Diary of a former Bow Street Runner

Well, after a week in Australia, with two job interviews in the pipeline (one for the Air Force as an Officer a little later down the line, and the other for a mind-numbingly dull but quick-starting and interim cash-providing retail job), as well as a general standard and cost of living far surpassing most of what England had to offer, I am now in a position to look at BBC News and other websites, and think "Thank God I'm not there!" I certainly won't be living in the UK again if I have any say in the matter whatsoever. I shall be hiring an armoured vehicle for transport and will clad myself in Kevlar if I return for visits. It's great here - no Human Rights Act, a strict and stringent welfare system, no EU over-regulation or criminal-loving, to-hell-with-innocent-people rights groups. Crime wise it does have its problems here, but then any country in the world has, and compared to what I was used to in the UK, it's nowhere near as bad.

Whether it's drunken primates being sore losers over a football game, or the clear need to issue stab vests to civillians as standard, my decision to emigrate has been quite rigorously reinforced by the continuing decline of the country, occurring at the same time as a continuing increase in violent crime. As a cop I was issued with a stab vest, and to be honest, with the way things seem to be in the UK now, I'd have probably bought and worn one after quitting (had I stayed in the UK), because you've got a pretty good chance of being stabbed by some dickhead off their face on drink, drugs or both. They don't even need a reason - it could be for fun, because you looked at them the wrong way, didn't have/wouldn't give them a cigarette or simply because you were there! I await the inevitable stage where people stab each other as a form of greeting.

Carrying and using knives in England is as fashionable as any clothing accessories, backed up by lots of media attention, that satisfaction that your're sticking two fingers up to the government's pathetic knife amnesty, and that you can pretty much get what you want from the shrinking number of people who aren't carrying themselves. I don't write this because I believe the media hype - it's also because, from personal experience as a serving cop, I know that, for once, the situation is actually that bad.

So, aside from buying your own stab vest, assume that group of little shits on the corner in your neighbourhood/in the shopping centre/on the train has at least one blade amongst them and are drunk/stupid (or both) enough to use it for any reason whatsoever. Tool up or wear a stab vest and remain in a state of paranoia/readiness for the rest of your life. If they draw on you and you have neither a stab vest nor a knife yourself, hit them as hard as you can with anything to hand, and don't bother calling the police, because you'll be the one infringing the human rights of poor little Kyle, who was only carrying a knife because he doesn't like one of the other boys at school. Furthermore, school your kids in knife disarmament techniques in between Key Stage 1 and 2.

Because, let's face it, noone in power has the balls to do anything about it, so you have to take matters into your own hands. Don't waste time calling the cops - offensive weapon jobs will lose favour once the media storm dies down, and unless a force makes it a key crime, they won't take it too seriously until someone is stabbed, preferably whilst the offender is committing a force priority crime.

Either that or get out whilst you still can. At least there's less of a chance of being stabbed on an airplane these days.

Meanwhile, it's midwinter here and this weekend has been clear skies, sunny and between 19-23c. I'm a five minute bike ride from a river and park offering stunning views, and the food here isn't anywhere near as full of chemicals, so I can eat without worrying about steroid inhalation! Beats attending crap jobs, helping thankless people and following end-in-itself procedure.

Oh, and I see heatwave warnings have been issued. Aside from the fact that between 30-35c is quite bearable if sensible precautions are taken, people will read that as "Great! Let's go lie out in direct sunlight between 12 and 3pm without suncream, sunglasses or hats, and drink plenty of beer!" They then wonder why they get sunstroke, severe sunburn dehyrdration and an increased risk of skin cancer. Idiots.
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