Friday, June 16, 2006

Department names

Cheers for everyone's comments and wishes of good luck by the blog and by e-mail. Much appreciated!

Before I left, I noticed the force renamed quite a few of its departments, from a name that provided a vague insight into what the department did, to names that seemed utterly meaningless, excessively multi-syllabic and appeared to be the result of putting a collection of nouns into a hat and drawing two or three at a time to form the new name, often with the nouns bearing no correlation to the work carried out.

I have two theories as to why this is the case - either there's a competition between forces to have departments with the most syllables in their names (each syllable incurs a point); or the vaguer the name of the unit, the wider their remit can be creatively interpreted, and thus more irrelevant work can be shovelled in their direction.

Here's some examples:

Tutor Unit becomes the Professional Development Unit
Accident Investigation Unit becomes the Collision Reconstruction Unit
A new unit set up mainly to deal with intelligence becomes the Operational Tasking Unit and seems to be doing everything now.
What used to be Section and gets shafted with any positive lines crime on the division becomes the Area Policing Team
Volume Crime Unit (shoplifter squad) becomes the Volume Crime Prisoner Processing Unit

Even more ironic was the renaming of some units to sound more paramilitary, at a time when providing a friendly, corporate image seems to be important, such as the Dog Unit becoming the Tactical Dog Unit. I predict the imminent establishment of the Tactical Paperwork Unit, given the mission of strategic insertion of arbitrary forms into the daily routine of police officers everywhere.

Any more for any more?

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Tactical Paperwork Unit eh? Sounds about right my friend!

All the best in Aus pal, may you take your sense of humour but leave your woes behind.

Many happy returns and keep in touch!
I'd like to search for the most ridiculous name given for a police officers role. Here's my entry
"Extended Police Family Liason and Development Officer"

Anyone beat that?
Good luck down south mate. I shall miss your Blog and outlook on police life.

PC Mids
the powers that be change the names in order to give the mistaken impression that things are improving in some way. They fail to realise that those under them, as well as the public, know damn well that sod all has happened other than more bs. Maybe they swallow their own propaganda.

I used to have a bsometer that had three discs. You could turn the disks and come up with 3 words that sounds really profound but meant bugger all. Maybe they have a similar thing.
The Mets recent name changes are more geared to who can sound the most politically correct and pink fluffy bean bags. Borough Support Unit has become Borough Task Force (a cynical git has put a complaint in that they find Force too aggressive, so that'll probably change); sector teams have become Community Tasking Teams; Prisoner Processing Team has become Case Progression Units

The best one by far though is spending upwards of 40 grand on changing the corporate logo from "Working for a safer london" to "Working together for a safer london"

What a pile of poo
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